*[[ just sad... ]]*

im writing. coz i feel so sad. be left hoping, felt so bad. haii.. i dunno. i was kinda elated the past weeks. but maybe the sayings are true.. dont be too happy, coz things may turn 360. heights sure are scary.. falling hurts. tsk.. >_< yea i am disappointed, not coz i expected much. but becoz, i expected little, and yet.. even that wasn't granted. i cant help it. how i wish, after i shook my head.. i could also shook my heart.. maybe i could lighten myself up. just maybe. not everything happens the way we want it. most often than not, it goes the other way. maybe God knows a better path. guess the only thing i could do is pray, pray that the path chosen for me would make me happier.. nth times the happiness i felt when i was elated.. when i was up there.. with him

someone i could not love..

"someone i could not love.." --mcld

standing in a distance,
you were quietly making your mark..
i secretly took a glance,
and you landed straight to my heart..

why hath God made me see,
things i could not have..
why hath God sent you to me,
when you're someone i could not love..

i was okay before you came..
and now im not the same..
it's just that, i couldn't love you..
and it brings me so much pain..

after 040208 blog

waa.. yep.. he gave me a patronA tix last 033108. he showed sincerity last 040108 morning.. 040208 after game?? waa.. in front of other peepz, he told me "may work ka pa ah".. like saying pumasok ka na.. hahaha.. he knows my sked yep. last 040708 we were again in sk.. bdey ni rg eh.. he was again informed that i shcnge my shift sked,, 2pm-10pm. he asked "pano?" as if asking.. may game this wed, how can i watch.? last night 040908.. the team won!! waaa... i watched with my couzins and sis.. after game,, xempre pa-pic. graze is an angel,, she brought her cam. n3y was ofcourse bashed by crowd.. but he really stopped for a pic shot when i asked him for one with my sis and couzins.. waaaa.. really touched. kuya al was more surprised when he personally witnessed how n3y asked me if i dont have work.. waaahh.. infront of those crowd.?? kala ko tlga di nia ako kausapin xe xmpre andmi tao.. ang babaw ko noh? pero sobrang happee tlga. kausapin nia lang ako, i acknowledge nia lang na kilala nia ako.. ang saya2 ko na. just little things.. just remmbering my sked is already a big deal!! huhu.. kaiyak sa tuwa. he would always be the guy i've supported since my highschool.. hindi pden xa nagbbago. who would have thought aight? dati mkta ko lang sa tv, parang kuntento na ang buhai ko. ngayon?? i got a chance pa to talk to him.. waaa tlga

mY blog last 1:54am --040208--

it is late.^_^ but im trying to stay up. have to keep monitoring every hour. not much of a work.. light, but takes much time. im really really sleepy.. i dropped by in sk last monday and yesterday morning.. kea kulang tulog ko. but that sleep couldn't be as satisfying as to what happened that two consecutive sleepless days. monday, i went there simply because i wanted to join ate anna.. but she wasnt able to make it.. she spent her morning pa xe sa med city.. during practice, i was sitting in my usual spot.. sa harap/tabi ng bag ni james.. not that im intentionally doing it, nagkakataon lang talaga. pag dating ko, kinausap ako nila leanard at kuya alex.. after a while i saw him approaching my direction.. eye contact.. the greeting.. the nod.. the smile.. everything just went slow motion. it may sound exaggerated, but that's the nearest description i could make of what i felt and what i actually experienced. then he reached for his towel.. his drink (cant remember if water or gatorade.. panu nawindang na).. then he asked, to my surprise (.. you see, we never really had conversation before..), if i dont have classes.. i informed him that im already working.. he followed-up his first inquiry with how old am i.. again that's surprising.. for me atleast, i almost asked if we're having that exchange for real! haha.. i told him im 20. i thought that's it.. but hey.. hey.. surprised again.. he asked if i dont have work.. xmpre i again replied (kahit medyo monotone ako.. cant believe eh), told him im having my nightshift sked this week.. he needed to participate sa warm up kea he lined up along with the others.. but he kept his distance not so far from me..... just so he could continue the conversation. he commented "edi wala ka pang tulog nian".. i just affirmed that. i was more than shocked and amused when he offered the info to the other peepz around us.. kay rob, kay coach koy, kay alex.. amp. naka segue pko kay coach koy.. sabi kasi ni james kung sanayan lang daw ba yung ganun.. sbi ko ganun tlga kahit nung college.. kahit itanong nia pa kay coach koy.. kasi si jon sa mapua nagaaral.. hahahahaha.. basta maisingit nlang si jon eh noh?? iniwan na si james sa ere kasi i asked coach koy na if when magp-pbl si jon.. he told me after the conference pag may kumuha.. ^__^ asking what happened to james?? wala. andun pa din sya.. i was amused more than surprised that time, when he still looked at me and said.. "alam ko na, siguro kaya yun ang kinuha mong sked para makanood ka ng game? noh?" (noh with matching accent and nod.. waaa!! i can practically replay everything on my head!!).. i again affirmed that, and told him na syempre 1st game.. sbe nia.. kung 1st game daw ba sila.. sbe ko hindi, i mean 1st game ng confi..@__@ after practice.. hindi na ako amazed. inlove nko!! wahahahaha.. ye, ye, he's taken.. but that fact wont refrain me from loving him more.. ("more" kasi matagal ko n nman xang love dba?). can you believe it, he gave me a game ticket for wed's game!! waaaa!!! &_& xmpre sobrang thank you ako.. that day.. akala ko tlga the ticket's an upperA seat.. pero just yesterday, i checked it (tingnan ko sana kung magkano upperA tix)... and only then that i noticed, seeing the P400 price, patronA !!! wAaaa.. really, i am so touched.

not so long ago, makita ko lang xa.. even only on tv or an advertisement.. sobrang saya ko na.. and now?? wow! that indeed is an achievement.

kanina(yesterday actually..sadyang ala lang ako 2log).. sobrang touched ako.. he showed concern.. matulog na daw ako. magpahinga na.. waaahh.. ilang beses pa nia pinaulit-ulit.. huhuuhu.. nakakaiyak sa pagkatouch.